Living with Addiction and an Eating Disorder in the age of COVID-19: A patient’s story
This story is being shared by an RCBM patient who has asked to remain anonymous.
With the deluge of social media articles on how to pass the time in quarantine, I noticed I wasn’t seeing anything addressing those struggling with an eating disorder or addiction. This inspired me to share my story, which I hope will support those struggling with addiction, recovering, or those wanting to bring more consciousness and balance into life.
I began to notice my level of anxiety rise as we stocked up on food. We now have more food than ever in our fridge, freezer, and cabinets. Thoughts arose such as, “If I eat half a bag of popcorn… there will only be 3.5 left…and my partner will notice!” Thoughts of having to ration food brought up fears of restriction and having so many snacks in front of me made me nervous that I would eat it all!
Four years ago, I was taken to the hospital with acute pancreatitis. Within days I was intubated and on life support after going through withdrawal and detox. I can’t help but think about how much worse the present COVID situation would have been for me four years ago. The amount of wine bottles I would have had to buy and hide would be impossible to do in a “work-from-home” situation with no privacy and little room for secrecy. That of course includes not having the ability to binge and purge with someone else around at all times.
I am extremely grateful to be in a place of my recovery where I am able to remain in my house, with my boyfriend, and not have to hide my addiction or anxiety. I know, however, that there are a lot of people still struggling. I thought writing this piece would help me process my thoughts and feelings, while offering support to those exploring similar issues.
Here are some of my suggestions:
1. Talk: Express yourself. Don’t hold it in. Let someone know the thoughts going through your head and share what is making you nervous. If you bottle everything up, it will backfire.
2. Move: All you need are a few weights, resistance bands, and a yoga mat to have a fulfilling workout. Movement helps. Stretch, walk, or even run. Just remember to pace yourself and try not to overdo it. Balance is key. Working from home makes it easy to sit on the couch all day, so there has to be a happy medium and fresh air really helps.
3. Create: Find a way to express yourself. Write, draw, paint, collage or tie-dye.
4. Self-Care: Take time to make yourself feel good. Give yourself a facial. Go for the COVID-Mani, keep them short! If you are lucky enough to share an apartment with someone, give each other massages.
5. Connect: Facetime your friends and family.
6. Take breaks from social media and news. Stay in the know and be smart but try not to obsess. Look beyond the pandemic and see what else is going on in the world.
7. Invent a new game.
8. Make a list of movies you haven’t seen and watch them.
9. Maintain a schedule but let yourself rest. Sleep is important, and it helps your immune system!
10. There are a lot of people in need. See you how can help them if you are able.
11. Change it up: Take a shower. Put on a pair of jeans for a few hours. Your sweatpants aren’t going anywhere, and it will help you feel a little more productive. You can put on your sweats later in the day and then change into your PJs 😊
12. Stock up on your staples so that you feel comfortable with grocery store shortages and restaurants closing.
13. Drink a lot of water. Spice it up a little. I bought some olives to put in my sparkling water for when I want to feel fancy. Enjoy tea and immune boosting drinks.
14. Get a handle on your fear. Change what you can and let go of what you can’t control. Being stressed decreases the ability of your immune system to fight illness.
15. Finally, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get out of bed for an entire day. It’s ok! If you snack too much, it’s ok! We can always hop back on the horse and strive for balance. Nobody is perfect. Problems occur when we punish ourselves for being human. Instead of going into a shame spiral, embrace it and find a positive in the situation. Enjoy the relaxation of being in a comfortable bed and allow yourself to taste your food and feel satisfied and full. It is easier to come back to baseline if you can ride the waves.
