The ‘Juggling Act’ of Parenting During COVID-19
The COVID-19 pandemic has led to unique challenges for everyone, including parents with school-aged children at home. Journalist Dave Hogg is covering this story from a variety of different angles. This post is part of his special series for RCBM.
Juggling may be the best way to describe what parents are doing now that COVID-19 has changed our world. In many cases, they've had to adapt to working from home - or being unemployed - while simultaneously taking charge of educating their kids.
We talked to several parents from across the United States and Canada to find out how they’re coping since the virus became widespread in March.
Some are dealing with a single child who would typically be finishing kindergarten. At the same time, others have multiple teenagers trying to get through advanced coursework. Many families also include at least one member with special needs, which comes with its own unique challenges.
"School is going well for G," Elizabeth said. "His autism has been a huge benefit for him. He has a schedule and a list of assignments, and he gets up early and gets them done."
But Elizbeth says her daughter is struggling. She thrived on social interaction and having her friends around her at school.
"It’s very hard for M to sit still and focus," she said. "I've been using essential oils and trying to find ways for both of us to focus better because I also have my work to do.”
Libby has two children, a daughter and a middle-school aged son, and a different set of circumstances. Quarantine and home schooling have brought a mix of successes and hard times.
"We had just gotten into a middle-school routine when [COVID-19] happened," Libby said. "[My son] has ADD which manifests in, among other things, a relatively extreme language deficit.
"Distance learning has been a nightmare for him. The disconnection has hurt him badly, and it is really difficult for us to meet his accommodations - we're not trained educators. He’s not able to tell us what he needs."
Libby's daughter, on the other hand, is adjusting more smoothly.
"J has been fine," she said. "She has an excellent teacher who has managed to do a great job with distance learning. [They hold] multiple daily Zooms, so none of the kids feel disconnected."
Mary has a unique situation - she was already homeschooling O when the pandemic began. But he too is missing his friends, and that’s been rough.
"He really needs his friends, and he needs to be physical with them, to climb and play games like tag," she said. "The neighborhood kids come out and ride bikes and draw on the street with sidewalk chalk, but it’s not the same for him because he has to stay so far away. He will run close to one of the kids, and the dad will yell 'six feet.'
"He came to me in tears one day and said, 'I hate six feet, I hate remembering six feet."
Mary is worried about O's mental health, so she's been working to find online courses he'll enjoy.
"This era isn't just going to end - it's going to take him time to recover," she said. "It will make a dent in his life.”
Kate is yet another mom with a different challenge. Her daughter attends a Catholic kindergarten class and is not highly motivated.
"J has zero interest in doing her schoolwork, and I've re-discovered what I figured out my freshman year of undergrad: I am NOT a teacher," she said. "I'm not pushing things or making her do her schoolwork. If she were older, I would be worried about her academics, but she's only five."
Like Elizabeth, Kate has had to adjust to working from home while raising a daughter who is interested in everything but school.
"Work is busier in a very different way," said Kate. She lives in Ontario while serving as the director of a large Michigan library cooperative. "I love Canada, but I miss the US - I haven't been there since March 13. My work-related travel has doubled as 'me time,' but now I'm here with J, and it is challenging at times.
All four moms have developed ways of finding some time for themselves. Elizabeth is training for her first Chicago Marathon, so she has long runs to herself. Kate has time after J and her husband go to bed, and Mary can walk the dog. Libby is the only one who can't work from home, but she estimates she's only at work about one day a week because of her state's lockdown.
Summer vacation will bring new challenges until students can safely attend camps, play group sports, and play with their friends. With that transition in mind, RCBM clinician Kathy Pritchard has provided five suggestions for helping kids deal with an unusual summer.
1) Get Your Kids Moving: When I ask parents what the kids are doing for exercise, some say they are taking walks. I don't think that is nearly enough exercise for a child. Have them run sprints and time them for more of a challenge; use a trampoline, run laps around the house, jump rope, or set up an obstacle course. Have 30 minutes of exercise as part of the day. Younger kids can have an activity every 20-30 minutes or less. Many parents say they are giving kids a break between school lessons, and the kids choose to be on the computer. I had a session with a six-year-old last week, and he was jumping on an exercise ball most of the time.
2) Remember Reward Systems: No electronics/phone until chores and schoolwork are done, or a specified amount is completed. I have coached parents of teens to invest in an app, like MyCircle, so they have total control over when the electronics go on and off. No more locking up the Wi-Fi or chasing the kids around the house for the phone.
3) Stay Social: I highly suggest you help your elementary-age kids find ways to see and talk to their friends - I have noticed it can quickly improve a child’s mood. There are several websites where kids can play games against each other online, not just video games. I have been using the website coolmathgames.com to play chess and checkers with kids.
4) Take Care of Yourself: You can only do so much while trying to be full-time parents, teachers, and employees, so be forgiving with yourself. You need social time with your friends and family that does not involve the kids, and it would certainly help if you don't let them stay up too late
5) Be Creative While Staying Safe: Recently, I have had kids and parents upset that some families are letting the neighborhood children play with each other. Eight-year-old Lydia told me, "They even get to go inside each other's house." It is tough to keep enforcing distancing rules when other families are not. I commend the parents for keeping the kids apart, and we brainstorm other fun activities they can do.
